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Tamaki Sakura

Typos and Quality Control

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I hate that the first post I'm making is negative, but please consider this constructive criticism.

Both NekoNyan's website and its game translations have multiple spelling and grammar errors that make them look unprofessional.

Specific to the website, uncensore should be uncensor or, more properly, uncensored.

Looking over the screenshots of Fureraba that have been posted online, I was immediately struck by the missing punctuation. Namely, the missing commas. I have to wait until I buy the game next week to delve deeper, but the problems with punctuation were pervasive in what I saw. What's the beta testing process like for titles? How many betas are used and how long is the testing period? Are there any experienced betas on staff? (;))

Anyway, I'd recommend fixing these problems and tightening up quality control. I like the type of visual novel that NekoNyan licenses, so I want it to stick around.

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Thanks for the feedback.

We had three people on QA who all did two QA passes, including a final check by the editor and the use of Grammar checking and analysis tools. I'm sure there are a number of issues for sure, and if it's really as bad as you say, we will definitely have to improve on that front for sure.

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While I have yet to play the VN I have seen some things that seem a bit odd on the site. For instance "Due to various reasons, mainly the protagonist moving, their relationship became estranged, but now, several years later, they find each other at the same high school, and in the same class this year." This is from Minahara Himari's character page btw. I think there are a few too many commas in this. While nothing I have heard or seen so far have been nearly enough to make me want to not buy the VN I think maybe focusing on rules related to commas would be a nice idea. Personally I am not too good at using commas myself, but even I can notice there are some problems related to this.

Edited by bakauchuujin

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When in doubt, follow the Chicago Manual of Style. That's what MangaGamer uses.

18 minutes ago, bakauchuujin said:

While I have yet to play the VN I have seen some things that seem a bit odd on the site. For instance "Due to various reasons, mainly the protagonist moving, their relationship became estranged, but now, several years later, they find each other at the same high school, and in the same class this year." This is from Minahara Himari's character page btw. I think there are a few too many commas in this. While nothing I have heard or seen so far have been nearly enough to make me want to not buy the VN I think maybe focusing on rules related to commas would be a nice idea. Personally I am not too good at using commas myself, but even I can notice there are some problems related to this.

Yeah, the stuff from this page should be rewritten and broken up into multiple sentences.

 

Edited by Tamaki Sakura

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Not to mention the weird grammar choices, weird phrasing, and unneeded commas I saw in the pictures from the VN as well. You guys definitely need to improve on the English aspects of the localization process because from what I saw, you still have improvements to make before being considered a good quality localization company.

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2 hours ago, Virgin Smasher said:

You guys definitely need to improve on the English aspects of the localization process because from what I saw, you still have improvements to make before being considered a good quality localization company.

If they do better than MoeNovel, they already are a good quality localization company for me :^) 
NekoNyan actually replies if you text them something xD 

Btw I wanted to ask @akerou: how many people in NekoNyan are pros and how many of them are instead "first-timers"?

 

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1 hour ago, MichaelBlueTheKing said:

If they do better than MoeNovel, they already are a good quality localization company for me :^) 

Really isn't a good standard to set. A good standard to set is if they're doing better than or at the same quality as Sekai Project at their peak translation quality in 2015/2016, then they're doing well for themselves.

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14 minutes ago, Tamaki Sakura said:

If NekoNyan does want help, I freelance. ;)

If you're serious about freelancing you can always send us your resume: business@nekonyansoft.com  ^_^

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Since this topic is so incidental, I will take the chance to post a number of lines with issues.
Since explaining absolutely everything is a bother, I will only do so in the easier lines. Of course, language is only an objective thing at a grammar level. Other instances are far more subjective and I really don't care to discuss them deeply. Off we go.

Spoiler

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I found that 'laying your intentions right out flat there' needs adjustment. Not sure why or how, and don't care. Do with it what you will.

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These are two very particularly spots indeed.

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I have a very grave lacking in knowledge.

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'Does he really think girls are that easy to manipulate?'  'even if they do (easy to manipulate),'

If you use 'they' you're referring to the girls so it should be 'even if they are (easy to manipulate),'.

Kyousuke is also using a conditional, so I'd recommend he use 'so it'd do me no good'.

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'ever' isn't generally used along with something that specifies the time like 'today'. I'd pick one or the other.

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Only the whole knows out secret declaration.

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And here's a simple typo.

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Since she keeps punching people, I'm sure you went out of your way to look for adjectives to replace 'punch'. 'Deck', though, only works in certain instances. As it means 'to knock down (by punching), it doesn't quite fit. 'she'd knock him down in the face'
It's not too big an issue unless the reader is used to seeing 'deck', though, because only then would they notice it's not really used like this.

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I'm not sure how that comma made it into the second sentence, but the only thing it does is kill it.

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This one bothers natives because it's just not something anybody would say. Changing a word or two in a saying might work, but in this instance it's hard to picture what he's saying.
I can imagine it comes from trying to picture a 'deep pile of crap', but 'trench' doesn't really replace 'pile' that well and... I dunno.

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Uhhhhh... I'm not good enough at grammar to know why, but after 'everyone' it should be a full stop. Maybe someone else would know better.

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That like has no comma after it, but I don't really mind it. The problem are the lady's.

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That comma after porno is killing the impact of the sentence for no reason. It's also not grammatically correct because the second clause is a restrictive sentence that cannot be separated by a comma and bla bla bla nobody cares.

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I don't even care that the context here doesn't really fit a 'Bazinga'. This is still the greatest thing.

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I don't see why 'snivelling'. She's being teased and she answers with that. 'Snivelling' means he's being a bit of a crybaby or a brat, which he isn't actually. I guess you wanted to go with something similar to 'cowardly'?

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That's 'things'.

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I'd add a 'do' before 'you'.

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I imagine you were trying to say 'This place is worlds apart from that other place we used to go'. I think it doesn't work like this, even ignoring the ' typo.

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What pretty works?

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Quite funny.

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It's missing a 'to' after 'go', and I don't see the need for the comma before 'and', but I'm not a good judge for those and don't really care.

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Maybe a comma after well but who cares and that Giraffe is plural not possessive. Or maybe she just likes possessive giraffes.

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Wow. I can't believe this word really does have grammar rules to it, but it looks like it should be 'a lot shittier' instead.

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To me, a line 'backing up' means everyone in line is stepping backwards.
The way you're using it might be right, though. I dunno. I'll leave it to someone who cares.

'meticulous' should also be 'meticulously' because it's modifying 'enter'.

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Like that other 'everyone' line, I feel like after 'man' it should be a full stop.

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The problem with not using commas when you don't feel like it is that the last sentence loses meaning. If you diligently used commas, that 'you know' not having a comma would mean he's talking about the couples they know. As it is, you just seems like a 'you know' at the end of the sentence, you know?

Honestly, though. The last sentence isn't very clear. I can't quite tell what it means.

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You actually mean 'capable', yes?

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The comma after 'sure' shouldn't be there. He's saying that it doesn't seem like it, not agreeing with her.

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Why does his last sentence end like that? If it were 'Learn about immunities, woman.' or 'Learn about immunities. Sheesh.' I'd get it. But it's just a random curse as it is now. Not a big deal to me, but maybe it could be to others?

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have -> how

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I imagine this is 'oblivious', as in, 'she doesn't know how we feel'.

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The rules of conditional dictate that it should be either 'by the time we got'/'it would' or 'by the time we get'/'it will' or something like that.

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I think she means the opposite in the last line. She's mad because it's not something to joke about. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding what she's trying to say. Which already not a very good sign.

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look -> like

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I no hot guy that never stress :(

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show

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It makes sentence very mechanical.

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Again, I've never seen 'backed up' to mean this, but I'm too lazy to see if it's wrong or not. At least it's easy to guess what she's saying.

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This one is lacking a capital.

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like -> look

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This last line is actually Yuzuyu telling Kyousuke to hurry up.

Other things.

I bought this on Nutaku and the font you see is the default font. However, this font caused some issues.

Spoiler

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When I changed to other fonts, it seems those symbols are some kind of dash. Probably an em dash or a Japanese one.

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This doesn't quite fit.

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And neither does this, while Male Pedestrian does fit.

There are segments where it feels like 'like', 'legit', 'literal', 'literally', and 'actually' appear in nearly a fifth of the lines, which might not be a problem if they weren't relatively oddly placed. Not sure if I have any examples screenshotted, and I'm almost sure this was a deliberate choice, but I'm not sure it enhances things enough to compensate seeing another 'legit' being used as an adverb.

Spoiler

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This literal I like. It's there on purpose just to emphasise, even though it can only be figurative.

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This literally I don't. It has no purpose because 'everyone' doesn't really need emphasis all that much, whereas in the god line the literal contributed to the comedy by exaggerating his awesome, amazing, mad skillz.
I imagine this is an effort to make it seem like teen speech? But teens speaking is, like, totally annoying to listen to, and even more to read.

Your view on commas somewhat aligns with mine, in that commas in dialogue aren't really as important.
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That 'like' should, by all rights, be between commas. But do people actually speak like that? Eh.

I remember one instance of 'Coach' being used incorrectly, though I didn't take a picture and now I have no idea how and why.

The script basically always uses CAPITALS for emphasis in words all throughout it, but Hiiragi's confession had a *Really* instead. I figure you might want to be consistent?

Finally, I also have to let you know that these aren't all the issues I found. There's a bunch I just glossed over or simply didn't screenshot. That's why I believe this title requires better QC.
However, I've also already said that I otherwise love the script. It's fantastic. I really like how it goes all out to make things hyper or fun.

 

Edited by Poltroon
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Thanks for the feedback. Really appreciate it.

We're going to do our best to fix those issues and release a patch along with the release of the steam version.

 

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I never expect perfect when it comes to translation, Just look at something like Chrono Clock or If My Heart Had Wings they were both a mess (Just to name two of many)
Even in anime you can get 10 people to translate a series and all 10 will be slighty different.

I am enoying it so far (Not a big fan of the MC at the start but he slowly startinf to grow on me) I do fell the translation might be a tad too westernised but I understand this appeals more to the common reader so I can look over that.

A patch might improve some of the minor issues with things like punctuation but I am not going to wait given the game is 100% readable.

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I kind of thought I wouldn't bother pointing more stuff out because I just wanna read, but if I can't even read...

QfKYCBW.png

I checked, and this is a Japanese line in the script. Immediately at the start of Hiiragi's route, his mum is asking him if he's still sleepy or something. Not sure.

Edited by Poltroon

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That's really bad. Normally the compiler should output it if there were lines that weren't found for whatever reason. Quite embarrassing.
Will be fixed in the upcoming update of course.

Edit: Turns out the flag for detecting lines like that wasn't set when we compiled the final build:/ According to the parser, that's the only instance where it happened though.

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What if the mom knows Hieratic Egyptian? xD

I actually wanted to write something smarter about the entire argument but I realized I'm not entirely right so I'll stay quiet xD 

Let's just say thanks to @Poltroon, who used his precious free time for pointing out some of the mistakes, and thanks to @akerou for answering immediately and showing us that NekoNyan is more than ready to fix them. 
I hope this customers-company relationship will stay like this. Polite and professional. 

 

Edited by MichaelBlueTheKing

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When I send in my resume, do you want me to list fan translations I was involved in as well as my professional work? What about translations that never came out?

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8 hours ago, Tamaki Sakura said:

When I send in my resume, do you want me to list fan translations I was involved in as well as my professional work? What about translations that never came out?

Since there is no way to check translations that never came out anyway, listing your professional work and fan translations you were involved in will be enough.

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On 01/04/2018 at 2:42 PM, Poltroon said:

If you use 'they' you're referring to the girls so it should be 'even if they are (easy to manipulate),'.

Kyousuke is also using a conditional, so I'd recommend he use 'so it'd do me no good'.

I noticed I made a mistake here. Since it's a conditional, if you use 'if they are' then go with 'so it'll do me no good'. If you use 'if they were' then go with 'so it'd do me no good'.

 

Now that I've finished a route, here comes round two. Sorry if I sound arrogant or curt. It's late here.

Spoiler

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started

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'was wanting to' and 'only goes to figure' are both awkward expressions.

The latter because it's mixing the expression 'it only goes to show' with 'figures' and the former because of the tense. 'was wanting' is something that he wanted at some unspecified point in the past. When you don't need to use a more complicated tense, just go with Past Simple. 'I wanted to hold off'.

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That 'was it' is clearly wrong, but I'm not going to guess at what it's meant to be.

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As is, 'we met' shouldn't be between commas. Either go with 'when we met' or remove 'first' and the comma before 'we'.

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Darn. I took some screenshots of lines I thought made no sense when reading, but now it's hard to see if the line really makes no sense or if it's just missing context.

Anyhow, I have (and had) no idea why he brings up her stubbornness, what he means, or why he's surprised (?!).

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This sort of subtle brainwashing to get us to buy your stuff has a fatal flaw: We need to have bought this one.
(That's a 'But'.)

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This comma is breaking the sentence.

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This comma too.

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lickety

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outta, not oughta (ought to).

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'sink into thought' is something you simply do. You do not sink into thought of things. She might sink into thought at her words (meaning she sinks into thought after hearing them).

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'more boys type'. More boyish.

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Second comma is breaking the sentence.

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I don't believe Sissy has ever been used to refer to a sister. Furthermore, 'sissy' is an actual word that means something else entirely.

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bikinis

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There and is and a and mistake and here.

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You make this mistake twice in this route.

It is either 'near the bridge' or 'a bridge nearby'/'a nearby bridge'. 'nearby' is either an adverb or an adjective so it needs to be coupled with a noun or something.
If it were just 'a street nearby' it'd work, for instance.

Same goes for the park. 'stops nearby'/'stops near us'.

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This comma shouldn't be there.

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conscientious is not conscious and you mean conscious here.

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'homo sapiens' has no singular. As in, it's always 'homo sapiens'.

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'daggon' doesn't seem to be a thing. Did you mean 'doggoned'?

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I'd honestly remove all commas. But at least remove the one separating the goodness from the gracious.

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The 'say' has no purpose.

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Momo's reply is weird. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with what Genki said, so either something isn't quite correctly translated or it shouldn't start with 'Look, dude,' and end with an exasperated ellipsis.

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'still gotta hurt' seems as if he's talking of someone else or something that hasn't happened yet. He should be feeling this pain right now, so use 'it still hurts...'

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and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and--

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When the dogs initially played with him, they got mad. Since then, a bunch of time has passed without him playing and the dogs react like that.

The dogs aren't playing with him so they can't be 'having fun playing with you now'. I imagine the actual meaning is more akin to 'looks like they want to play with you now' or something. At any rate, something is off with the last sentence, be it the translation itself or the tense of what she's saying.

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The last comma is interrupting the sentence.

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For context, the two buy crepes. Kyousuke has a bit of hers, which is strawberry, and she has a taste of his, which is when this happens.

I thought this exchange made little sense. It's the first time chocolate is even mentioned. I have no idea why Kyousuke reacts the way he does.

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as we walk

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Her face can't be 'so pure joy' much less 'so pure joyful'. You could use 'so full of joy', or 'so pure and joyful'. Maybe something else I can't be bothered to come up with.

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This doesn't really make me think 'Mako is excited'. Something is off either in the tone of her line or in Kyousuke's thought.

Other Stuff

The *words between asterisks* are used occasionally. I still think it's weird because they aren't used at all of the first part of the game, but I'm just gonna chalk it up to a stylistic choice of yours and leave it be. If you want to see some instances of this, I have some screenshots so just ask.

I mentioned instances of 'legit' and 'literally' that seemed a bit too frequent and even inappropriate. I wanted to find a good example so here:

Spoiler

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Some more instances of broken text:

Spoiler

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I don't remember the screen being completely yellow but maybe I just forgot.

 

Once again, I skipped a bunch of stuff I thought would be bothersome to explain or what just too small. The good news is: I really liked the route and I still like the translation itself a lot.
I just hope you're able to get better QC'ers next time, because, no offence to whoever worked on this, this is more than expected, even for a product this size.

But yeah. Nighty night. Might keep doing this. Or maybe not. Dunno.

 

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33 minutes ago, Poltroon said:

I just hope you're able to get better QC'ers next time, because, no offence to whoever worked on this, this is more than expected, even for a product this size.

Don't worry, no one is going to take offense. After all, you're absolutely right. We will make sure to improve our QA process and try our best so that future releases won't have these sort of problems. 

Again, thanks for all the effort you're putting into reporting these issues.

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I won't be reading Fureraba until I finish my other immediate entertainment endeavors, so I won't be able to give any direct feedback myself until after the Steam release and update patch probably but I figured I'd at least piggyback off Poltroon's post and hit some other general points. I bought the game now to take advantage of the launch discount plus complementary fandisc, after seeing general acceptance for the translation's overall competency and a lot of good word-of-mouth from some fellow vanilla lovers of the VN fan community... Much as I feel terrible about not having bought Maidens of Michael yet holding out hope for a physical down the road (especially after the Steam fiasco there). :/ Sorry for the time being, MangaGamer... Unless you get me that hardcopy, then I'll throw my wallet at you. ALL my wallets. All one of them. That doesn't make sense. I'm rambling incoherently at this point.

*ahem*

Personally, I like the default font. That probably doesn't mean much when you have enough other people complaining about it, nor is it a big deal anyway when font choice is an actual in-game option! Just thought I'd let you know not everyone hates it. Not too bland, not too stylish.

Don't take this as any sort of attack where I disagree with you, of course, Poltroon. You just have convenient examples since I'm not going to immediately be playing myself. I agree in full with anything I leave unmentioned. More of a second opinion on the matter that whoever's putting together the patch eventually can use to help make sense of a second edit passthrough. Honestly think you did more than enough as-is, I mean hey you're not the one beign paid to edit it. 9_9

  • "... laying your intentions right out flat there ..." Unintelligible as-is. Remove "right" and it reads okay to me, albeit still unusual. Taking out "flat" makes more sense. Slightly rewording it to "laying your intentions out clearly" would read best to me.
  • "... attracts couples that have a very grave lacking in any sort of public decency" reads strangely, but I don't believe it's incorrect. *shrug* Doesn't strictly need to be changed, readers should lurn2english better if it bothers them, but you might consider "have a very gravely lacking" among other more clear (and concise) wording.
  • "Cheerios" should be capitalized as a proper noun (brand name). Also, though I don't imagine you'd actually get sued over it, Cheerios is a brand name and I'd be cautious about using that idiom. If you want to exercise caution, while still using the same idiom, you could use a more generic cereal term such as "corn flakes" ... or "cereal." :P
  • "Deck someone" doesn't necessary mean the target was floored by the punch, just that the punch was hard enough it might floor someone. That line reads perfectly fine.
  • "Listen up, everyone, ..." seems fine to me with either comma or period, even an exclamation point if you wanted to really drive home his shouting at everyone! It comes off as less demanding with the comma. I'd say similar of the later "man" interjection, all punctuation works depending on the exact verbal inflection desired.
  • I don't know the context of the "sniveling" insult, so I may be better off not giving my input, but it's not necessarily wrong. People are prone to slangy use of or misusing words in anger, just to spit out something that sounds insulting. That said, if she's being teased/bullied, better alternativess might include "conniving" or any of the dozen-plus synonyms for "mean" or "annoying" (my favorites being "obnoxious" or "annoying" itself, perhaps "irritating" or "aggravating").
  • "First things first" is the more common and widely accepted version of the idiom (let's put first things first, i.e. do the most basic or fundamental tasks before the rest), but "thing's" is common enough and can be argued to be correct (i.e. first thing is first, a contraction). *shrug* I'd say the same of "How you like them apples?!" in the sense that it's technically "incorrect" without the word "do" included, but in Kyousuke's exasperation one could easily imagine a native English speaker kinda slurring over or omitting the word. It's dialogue, so it can't be wrong!

Gramatically, a comma before "and" or "but" is only proper if you're joining two independent clauses. i.e. Can the before and after statements be read as complete sentences? If so, then a comma is appropriate but not required. If not, definitely don't use one. Is it bad writing? A writer may stylistically choose to use a comma to force the reader to pause in their reading, and especially when writing dialogue to denote a pause in the character's speech. Language isn't a monolith, especially not as an entertainment medium, and dialogue definitely isn't required to adhere to strict grammatic writing structures. "Improper" use of punctuation in written dialogue can help convey the tone of the verbal message.

  • "More shitty" versus "shittier" is basically preference. I agree that "shittier" sounds better, but it's only wrong if they use both superlatives (i.e. "more shittier").
  • "Backed up" is fine, as in clogged or bottlenecked, applied to both the people at the store register and the queue of shows Rina has accumulated. Or a drain pipe. Or a traffic jam.

 

 

 

Also...

 

  • Bazinga :disgust:

I do expect a certain level of polish out of a professional product and I'm a bit OCD about obvious mistakes, but everyone makes them and as NekoNyan's first release I'm at least personally willing to be more tolerant than usual. But at some point it stops being forgivable and starts being annoying, so I hope the second pass/edit will catch everything in time for the Steam release (and hopefully my own reading) and the lesson sticks for future game releases. The most important fixes are to remove those where the meaning of the sentence is totally flipped backwards ("Sure, doesn't seem like that to me" vs "Sure doesn't seem like that to me." types of comma splicing, typos like [in]capable, etc.), though that's not to say you should neglect minor errors!

Edited by RisingChaos
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5 hours ago, RisingChaos said:

Personally, I like the default font. That probably doesn't mean much when you have enough other people complaining about it, nor is it a big deal anyway when font choice is an actual in-game option! Just thought I'd let you know not everyone hates it. Not too bland, not too stylish.

Incidentally, opting for a different font does fix a number of the text size issues I've reported.
For what it's worth, however, I also like the font.

5 hours ago, RisingChaos said:

... attracts couples that have a very grave lacking in any sort of public decency" reads strangely, but I don't believe it's incorrect. *shrug* Doesn't strictly need to be changed, readers should lurn2english better if it bothers them, but you might consider "have a very gravely lacking" among other more clear (and concise) wording.

You cannot have a lacking of something. Either you 'are lacking' or you 'have a lack'. 'lacking' is a verb, not a noun.
It needs to be changed, and I'd suggest ending with 'lack any sort of public decency' and doing away with most of the unnecessary words beforehand. You don't strictly need to, but I am having trouble coming up with any other sentence that reads well. Then again, I am not a writer.

5 hours ago, RisingChaos said:

"Deck someone" doesn't necessary mean the target was floored by the punch, just that the punch was hard enough it might floor someone. That line reads perfectly fine.

To be frank, I don't care much either, but going by the dictionary definition and a couple other guys which complained to me about that sentence once I showed them, I just went and posted it. The dictionary definitions all claim it means 'to knock down (usually by punching)'. That being the case, it's like saying "She floored him in the face." (using 'floored' which has the same definition as 'deck').

5 hours ago, RisingChaos said:

don't know the context of the "sniveling" insult, so I may be better off not giving my input, but it's not necessarily wrong. People are prone to slangy use of or misusing words in anger, just to spit out something that sounds insulting.

Yes. They are free to deliberately misuse words as much as they want, except it's hard to know when it's deliberate and it annoys a lot of pickier readers who want what they're reading to be correct.
Despite the lengths I'm going to I'm not actually any such reader. I just often talk with a bunch of people who are and I really want NekoNyan to make good translations so I can show them up or something. It's doomed from the start because their localisation and stylistic choices lean a lot on colloquialisms and how people talk rather than how you should write though.

5 hours ago, RisingChaos said:

"First things first" is the more common and widely accepted version of the idiom (let's put first things first, i.e. do the most basic or fundamental tasks before the rest), but "thing's" is common enough and can be argued to be correct (i.e. first thing is first, a contraction). *shrug* I'd say the same of "How you like them apples?!" in the sense that it's technically "incorrect" without the word "do" included, but in Kyousuke's exasperation one could easily imagine a native English speaker kinda slurring over or omitting the word. It's dialogue, so it can't be wrong!

To the bolded: It's as I've said above. I agree, but I'm not sure that flies with a lot of people.
I highly dislike misuse of words becoming acceptable just because everyone does it, so I will continue to point them out. I will die alone on my 'If I were' hill.
Also, 'as best we can' can go die in a ditch. It's either best or it is not.

 

Finished Himari's route. Here's round three along with a few leftovers from Hiigari's conversations:

Spoiler

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When I initially read this, I wasn't sure what she meant by the third line. Does she mean that her perspective is that of someone who hates school and studying, or is she trying to talk about Kyousuke?
The second line means that she only think it's weird occasionally, which isn't what she wants to say. Putting the repeated expressing between quotes or making "weird, even if it's just ..." would fix the problem.

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her --> how (I'll put the wrong words first instead of the other way around. I was just trolling the last time.)

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Remove the second 'with'.

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He's not 'waiting later', he's 'waiting (now) for later'. So 'rather than waiting for later'. (Though I still don't like that sentence much but whatever)

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There's a strange symbol near the s. I didn't think to change fonts at the time, so I have no further insights (well, I do, like the fact that since 'hubby' is singular so to should 'wife').

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'each and every thing'. Not everything, but every individual thing.

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He's talking about the two of them, so I'd go with ''upperclassmen'.

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You mean 'principal'.

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'positives'.

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You mangled your differences. 'the difference in restroom distance'.

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'dragged here'.

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There error here is.

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I'm not sure if it's both moms (which it should be, since it says 'our'), but in that case you should use possessive for both. Something like Our moms' containing.

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'you're not gonna make me know what to do' seems really weird. Don't you just mean "I won't know what to do"?

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That comma is wrong.

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Usually 'the fact of the matter is'.

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Argh, why didn't I screenshot the context. I think it's missing a 'did' or  'heard' or something.

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a decent amount which are

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Not sure what bad news bears are. Some new species?

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Eh, not a big problem, but since I screenshot it.
'extra of the curry' could stand to be 'extra curry'.

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it's not like she does

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Following by itself just looks weird. 'Following after us' or some such?

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meat

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I don't think the 'do them' isn't clear enough. 'who are actually in long-distance relationships' might be clearer. But it might be just me.
Or maybe I've since forgotten the context. Also plausible. But I took this image for some reason.

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I have no idea what he meant by 'get someone on bread'. Isn't it more like 'something made of bread' or some such?

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the guts

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This line is as if Himari's prompting herself to continue. I imagine there's some issue here.

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Missing something. Probably 'telling'.

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so --> say

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I haven't really heard 'making an experience' before. I'd say 'The experience I had that lunch'.

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why would they would is incorrect. "why they'd call him".

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Missing a full stop.

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like --> look

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The last sentence is clearly incorrect. Not sure if deliberately, so I'm just pointing it out.

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movie

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It's missing something after the 'isn't'. 'a good one' perhaps?

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Didn't really understand this exchange. I know Kyousuke is saying he's as good as the guy from the movie. Himari's "Still nothing' is a weird response to that, though I understand what she means. "when Himari fell over" is what I don't get because I don't even recall her falling, much less how that connects to anything.
Also, it's usually "factor in".

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He's talking to himself so probably 'Clear your mind', since 'clear mind' by itself doesn't work.

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'conscientious' can work similarly to 'conscious' sometimes, but I'd generally just recommend you always use 'conscious'. It's generally more familiar to VN readers and more accurate (in the definition 'become aware of each other', which is what happens when you start paying attention to everything about the person you're falling for).

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Just use 'evidently'. 'evidentially' means it somehow correlates to evidence and is honestly just weird. I guess her actions are evidence but stilllllll.

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standing here

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than --> then

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Both 'following' and 'after ...' are restricting 'day'. This mustn't be so you either remove 'following' or add a comma after 'day'.

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Usually just 'am I glad to'.

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A 'possibility' is not a percentage. In fact, it means something is possible. It means the chances are not zero.
I'd replace 'possibility' with 'chance' or 'zero' with 'no'.

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She cannot 'start' something repeatedly in this instance, and 'used to' means it was a habit.
I'd say 'I remember you started hanging out with me less around that time'.

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wanna hear

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'whenever she will miss' is incorrect. 'Whenever she misses'. I'm still not 100% sure the following tense will be correct with this change, but that's a smaller problem.

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The sentence is prone to misinterpretation as is ('like a couple' is something she might conceivably say). I recommend putting the first 'like' between commas.

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someone --> something

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wandering --> wondering

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Either seen or watched.

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QUITE --> QUIT

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Second little --> single

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The expression generally goes 'the point of no return'.

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Here it's "I was". Or "I am", since he still is.

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an --> and

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'would always remember' means it's something he did in the past here. This is wrong. He is currently remembering something she did in the past. Since he is doing so currently, you don't even need to state it.

"Come to think of it, her snacks for field tips".

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'awhile' is an adverb which makes something mean it took some time.
Here you want 'a while'. As in 'it has been some time'.

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'outdo' who?

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You've --> You're

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This sentence can be misinterpreted as him checking before following them.

'after her, making sure ...' would fix this issue, but there may be better way to restructure the sentence.

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'you would' is too ambiguous. 'you would' what? Look good? You can say "You look absolutely spectacular." which would clear up some of the ambiguity.
You could also say "It looks absolutely spectacular. But of course it would, since you're wearing it!'

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Prepositions suck. I think 'jump in the water' means they do into the water and start jumping. You're really looking for 'jump into the water'.

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'to cry uncle' is to give up. By putting a comma between them, he's simply addressing her as uncle.

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each --> eat

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'reinstate' is like when a CEO loses his position but they give it back to him. You just mean 'repeated'.

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The end of the sentence is generally awkward, but 'all a sudden' is incorrect altogether. all of a sudden

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vvvvvv

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'her smile' becomes 'this smile of hers'.

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It's 'you were' so was --> were

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'throughout the whole X' means it lasted the duration of X. If X is 'time' the whole thing stops working.

You either use "getting embarrassed the whole time" or "getting embarrassed throughout the whole [whatever this was]" (note that I don't see the need for the last comma).

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ask that to your

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Not idea what wheep is. Don't you mean 'weep'?

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'absolute' is an adjective and therefore can't work with 'sure'.  At best you can use 'absolutely' which is characterising the phrase 'make sure'... if I'm not mistaken.

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'easiest and calming' is weird. If you're saying 'easiest' on one side you should do so on the other one 'calmest'. Otherwise you can't join them together because 'is the calming way' is weird, as 'calming' is not 'the' only one.

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filled me with
I'd also remove 'quite', because 'quite very' is just silly.

Black haired girl Bonus:

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The students weren't the ones to write it, the author was. Therefore, 'when he wrote it'.

Other Stuff

Broken text with default font:

Spoiler

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As far as I can recall, no words between asterisks for this one. Might be an inconsistency between editors or between timeframes.

There was one line I accidentally lost, but I think it might've been the one Chuee posted on twitter later, thankfully. An instance of "should've saw", which isn't correct and should be "should've seen".

I thought Himari's route had overall worse English than other parts of the game. This could be for one of two reasons: Because I was not as immersed in her route as I was in the rest of the game and therefore paid more attention to the text itself, or because it really had generally iffier lines. It could also be because I'm being inconsistent, but we're all fallible and all that jazz.

As usual, I only pointed out the ones I noticed and thought would be relatively easy to justify. There are other dodgy lines that I can't tell why I feel that way or would be too much of a bother to justify.

Apologies if I sound curt or arrogant in these posts. Doing all this always takes me a few hours, and it's not exactly enjoyable. I also don't claim to always be correct, but you can imagine I only say things when I believe I am.

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Let's see what I can do with some of these lines. Now, I don't have any direct translations or Japanese scripts, so I can't vouch for these being 100% accurate to the original. Without further ado...
 

Spoiler

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I mean, by mentioning food, you're laying all your cards on the table. That makes it easy for the girl to give a clear reply.

 

Spoiler

 

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Out of all the attractions in this town, there are two particular spots that garner the most attention.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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As you've just witnessed, the one drawback is that it seems to attract couples who lack any sense of public decency.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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Hell, if she actually had a boyfriend, I bet she'd smack him around on a regular basis.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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Now, first things first. The front crawl is a piece of cake; anyone can do it. Just kick your feet, swing your arms, and remember to breathe.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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But this place is like a whole different world.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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The trick is to nudge the prize into the hole. It works for pretty much everything, as long as it's not something super huge, or a boxed item.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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Well, convenience store workers usually get shittier treatment than people working other jobs.

 

 

Spoiler

 

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Yeah. I have them all recorded, just in case. I was actually planning on using this weekend to catch up on my backlog

 

 

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